Diary of An Anorexic

Countless diary entries
Of a girl with Anorexia
Flow through the pages of the book
Each day they become darker and darker
Till one day
A new light begins to set
And so the tale of such is this

My dear diary,
Where do I even begin?
I remember waking to the smell of breakfast
Wafting through the hall to my bedroom
To then feel my stomach grow queezy
At the smell of its rich aroma

I ran to get myself ready for school
Then rushed down the stairs and made it too the door
Only to hear my sister Gracie tattle tale
That I left without eating
[As if this is anything new]

Then comes the footsteps of my mom
I turn to face her
Holding an apple in hand
And a stern stare upon her face

I wonder if she knows
She's a mother after all
They are supposed to know these things
But the thought drifts away
As she places the apple in my hand
Then shoos me off to school

I run to my cousin's horse stable
And meet my favorite horse Brooklyn
I toss her the apple
And she neighs as if saying thank you
I chuckle and continue on my way
Having done my good deed for the day

I make it to school
And pass through the morning classes
Without anyone staring me down
Or whispering away to their peers

But as soon as the lunch bell rings
My heart begins to thump
It's so loud
I'm surprised no one notices

This is the challenging part of day
I get in line so no one hounds me
For not getting food
I grab a bag off the snack table
And take one of the sodas resting near it
I turn to find my friend Lacey
To only be stopped by one of the lunch ladies
Who is wondering if I'm hungry or not
[My first instinct is to lie]
So I say I had a big breakfast
Then run to find my friend

She waves me over
And I hand her the food
We exchange a glance
A knowing, yet pitiful one
She's the only person I've told
And the only one I trust to know
[I'm fearful of someone else finding out]

She starts a conversation with our group
But I can barely stay focused
As I feel a throbbing pain in my stomach
I say I have to go
And run for the nearest toilet
I can hear the whispers begin to rise
And the deathly stares
As I rush out of the cafeteria

As I'm bending over the toilet
I begin to feel light headed
And slowly black out

My next knowledge is being in a hospital bed
Hooked up to a billion cords and monitors
And a nurse eagerly looming over my body
She jumps when she sees my eyes open
Then runs for the doctor
To tell him I've regained consciousness
He comes in and says some words
That I barely understand
Then the nurse runs out
And comes back in with my Mother and sister

My mother rushes over
And begins to embrace me so close
As if I had nearly died
[Little did I know at the time I was so close]
Gracie eyes me as if I'm from another planet
Without thinking I blurt out why I'm here
My mother tells me I passed out at school
A teacher and Lacey found me
Collapsed on the floor
And immediately called 911

She hugs me and begins to cry
She doesn't let go when I nudge her to
But instead begins to say she loves me
And wishes I would have told her
So this wouldn't have had happen
I ask what
And she steps back and tells me that I have anorexia

I look at her not knowing what to say
The doctor comes back in and says I am good to go
We leave and head back home
Silence fills the entire car ride

I get back home and my mom pulls me aside
She tells me that she will be there all the way
And if I need to I can go to her at any time
I don't really begin to believe her
Till she shares that she too
Had once dealt with this disorder
And how she won the long overwhelming battle
She feared that her own children might face it one day
And felt horrible not realizing it growing in me

So dear diary
I write this entry
As a whole new outlook on life
I am now going to face this battle
And I will win it
Because I now have determination
Strength,
And the strongest support of all
That will back me up all the way
I know how it is tearing things up
That I truly love and care for
So Anorexia
You are no longer allowed
To be a part of my life